Things were hard after Paulie died … my husband wanted another child but I knew that I would not survive another loss. But there was a hole in my life that nothing could fill and David prayed every night for a brother. I told him that it might be a sister and he would have to be happy about that. He said no it would be a brother.

I got pregnant right away. Everything went well. We found out that it was a boy and we wanted to name him Scottie. David wanted to name him Paulie… but I said that he needed a new name but we gave him Paulie’s middle name Scott Michael Mullenix. When I was 20 weeks they did an ultrasound and he was kicking his little legs…. I reached for the ultrasound machine screen … I just wanted to hold him.

He was born a little early at 36 weeks on February 9, 2000. He was beautiful and looked just like his brother Paulie. He was healthy….10 toes and fingers. Breathing on his own. He took my breath away I loved him so much. I smiled and laughed again for the first time in a long time. He was bringing hope and healing back just by being him. It just blew me away that he was ours. We called him our little boo-chee boy. He was a wonderful little boy. Everyday my son David would say to me … mom thank you so much for having him… I am so glad that he is ours. Everytime he would even cough David would say.. Mom is he going to die. I would say no this little guy is very healthy. He was too.

Just days short of being 6 months old, Scottie passed away from SIDS. He was at his day care and I got the call at work that I needed to get to the hospital ASAP my son was not breathing. I remember thinking no way this could not happen twice. Just no way. But it did he was gone before I even got to the hospital. I carried him around at the hospital for hours. I remember even asking if I could take him home. I just knew if I could take him home he would be all right. I held his little hand and life so tightly that I could not let him go. It has been a year and it still seems like it was yesterday. I still wait by the phone waiting for someone to call and tell me that it was all a terrible mistake….

The call never came. Now my life is full of picking up the pieces of a shattered heart. And not just mine but my husband and son too. I spend my time at cemeteries and support groups and going to see a Psychologist. Taking medicine for depression and wondering how I am going to make it through another day. I can no longer have any more children and I would never be brave enough to try even if I could.

Linda, Greg, and David

I believe in Angels …. for I have met two of them and cared for them on this earth. I am looking forward to the day that God calls me home. I know that two little boys will come running to me in a garden so beautiful it will bring tears to my eyes yelling MOMMY. Cause I never got to hear them call me that on this earth.

Paulie and Scottie’s mommy